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Repeat Offender

The last couple weeks have been a blur.  A busy, hectic, stressful blur.  On top of a non-stop work schedule I was also struggling to get myself organized and packed.

On one such day I was riding my bike to work, calculating the amount of hours of work I had left when my phone started ringing.  My phone was in my pocket and I can talk through my headphones so I answered without looking at the call display.
“Hey, how are you?” asked the male voice on the other end.
“Who is this?” I hesitantly asked.
“It’s Matthew!” he exclaimed, clearly offended, “I can’t believe you don’t have my number anymore.”
“No, no, I have it.  Just on my bike so I can’t see who’s calling,” I countered. “Anyway, how’s it going?”
I wasn’t all that surprised to hear from him, he had been Snap Chatting me non-stop over the past month and I had partaken in the flirty banter.  I may have sworn off Matt months previously, but I had reconnected with him in the hopes of having wild passionate goodbye sex before I took off for my adventure.
He told me how excited he was to see me when I got back into town and we made small talk before I arrived at work and said goodbye.
What an interesting turn of events.

I worked my double and started to bike home when my phone chimed with the sound of a text message.  I peered down at the screen: It was from Jess.
“Hey, back for the weekend.  Are you in town?  I’d really like to see you before you go.”
I am not exaggerating when I say the last time I spoke to Jess was when we slept together nearly 3 months prior.  I hadn’t heard a peep from him, but I knew he had been away working the entire time so I didn’t think too much of it.
Damn, am I that good that the last couple guys I slept with are desperate to get in one last roll in the hay before I leave?  All I need is a message from Dan and I’ll be 3 for 3.
(I was slightly hopeful, but of course, that never came.)
Back at home, I began my reply:
“Long time no talk.  I leave Monday actually!”
“Damn!  We should overnight” he suggested playfully.
I sat on my bed for a long time just staring at my phone, trying to come up with a response.
The smart, responsible part of me reasoned that I was way too busy to host him.  But the horny and desperate part of me thought back to our last encounter with excitement.
Forget what you should or shouldn’t do.  What do you WANT to do?  I asked myself.
It didn’t take long for me to decide and I typed out a response:
“We should overnight.  How about tomorrow?”
“Cool, I’m in town with a friend though.  Can she crash?”
An unexpected obstacle.
“Sure, I work late but I’ll text you when I’m off.”


When I finished work, I sent Jess a quick message and began my journey home in the pouring rain.  When I walked into my house I saw Jess’ head stick around the corner, “Hey!” he said with a huge smile on his face.  He and his friend Ashley were hanging out, waiting for me to get home.  I suddenly felt overwhelming discomfort.  Was I supposed to entertain them?  Did she know what he had come here for?  Should we just immediately retire to the bedroom or should we have a bit more tact?
“I have a nice bottle of wine, if you guys wanna have some,” I suggested.
We drank the wine and chit-chatted, Ashley was really cool and I enjoyed hearing the two of them reminisce on childhood memories.
Jess rolled a joint for Ashley and I to smoke and I felt myself begin to relax.
I loudly vocalized how tired I felt.  Jess followed me downstairs to my bedroom.
We briefly caught each other up on our respective lives and then got down to business.  Once again, we only kissed twice and there was little to no foreplay.  It was exactly what I needed.
In the morning he made Ash and I breakfast and the two of them left to go surfing.  They invited me to join, but I bemoaned all of the packing I had to deal with.  We hugged, said our goodbyes and parted ways and I began attempting to sort out the chaos that was my bedroom.


I barely made it out of town in one piece, but somehow, despite all the procrastination, I pulled it off.  I said goodbye to most of the people I wanted to and stared out the bus window sadly at the passing scenery, wondering if I would ever return back to this magical place.

When I got back to my hometown and set up at my moms house I was bombarded with messages from Matt asking when we were going to hang out.  Now that I had gotten my kicks from Jess I didn’t feel the same enthusiasm about reuniting with Matt.  I felt bad about the way I had completely cut him out when I left town and did genuinely want to reconnect with him.  I knew if I saw him that I’d probably want to sleep with him and I just wasn’t sure if it was wise to go down that path again.  He and I had history, it wasn’t as simple as sex.  I made plans to go for coffee with him the day before I was leaving to visit my university friends.  We sipped our cappuccinos and he asked me if I wanted to smoke with him back at his house.  Since I was on a mission to smoke all the ganja I could before leaving the country and since I was enjoying his company, I agreed.  We sat on his deck listening to music and passing the pipe back and forth.  I decided to go home and start getting organized for my weekend in the city and he took it upon himself to join me.
Umm, okay?
Back at my mom’s (empty) house I packed while he tried to flirt with me.  I was still on the fence.
“Sorry to be rude, but I’m gonna quickly call my friend back, I missed his call earlier.”
He dialled and lifted his phone up to his ear, “Sorry I missed your call man.”
The volume was up so high I could hear his friends response from across the room, loud and clear as he said: “Yeah you were too busy fucking your girlfriend.”
Matt chuckled and responded: “Not yet, but soon enough man, soon enough.”
That was enough to make my decision for me.  Matt had not changed; he was still a pompous asshole who bragged about me to his friends and honestly believed he was in control of our relationship.
“I really need to get organized here, I have to ask you to leave,” I told him as sweetly as I could muster.  He looked shocked, but we hugged and parted ways.


Part 2:  Back in the City

Cut to Friday night.  My girlfriends and I were crowded around the mirror, primping and prepping for a night on the town.  I was determined to dress up, look like a lady and dance up a storm in the city.  I stepped out wearing a modest, black dress that hugged every curve and showed off my slender legs adorned in high leather boots.  My hair fell in beachy waves around my made-up face.  I hadn’t seen this glamorous side of myself in almost 6 months.  I looked damn good.
We met up with some friends at the pub and began to drink excessively.
“Oh my god, it’s that ginger that I made out with at your party!” Jane exclaimed.  “I feel like I should apologize and buy him a drink after how rude I was to him.” (An entire other story in itself.)  Off she went as I continued to slam drinks.  It was nearing midnight and I was desperate to go dancing.  I was dancing on the spot and calling out to Jane and Andi (who were busy chatting up Gingy and his friend.)  Jack laughed and pulled me in for a hug, “Get your girls, go dancing, find a sexy man and take him home with you.  You deserve it!” he told me.
I laughed, “I just want a dance, I’m not looking for a man,” I assured him.
I finally dragged my friends and their new tag-alongs downstairs to the club.

At the club, Jane and Gingy immediately disappeared, Andi disappeared shortly after and I was stuck with Gingy’s friend.  The friend was cute and nice enough, but he kept trying to cuddle with me.  While waiting for a drink at the bar a young guy approached me, “This is going to sound really weird, but I went to high school and elementary school with you, although I was 4 years younger and I was so totally in love with you growing up and I just had to tell you,” he said, starting away.
“Wait!” I called, “Who are you?”
We started to chat about elementary school and the like when suddenly the Friend grabbed my wrist and pulled me away, “What the hell are you doing?” I asked, “I was having a conversation with him!”
I sat the Friend down and told him straight up: “Look, I’m not gonna get with you, I’m not interested in you, I wanna go dance and do my own thing, so you may as well give up this chase now.”
“I can’t help it, you’re just so hot,” he complained.
“I know…” I said, still feeling insanely confident.  “Here…” I grabbed him by the collar, made out with him for 30 seconds and then pushed him away.
“Man you just made it so much worst,” he moaned.
I abandoned him to join Andi on the dance floor.  I’m used to dudes trying to cut in when I’m out doing my thing and that night was no exception.  But one such man immediately caught my eye.  This one was different: he was tall, blonde and insanely gorgeous.  The two of us started dancing up a storm; we were spinning and dipping and grinding and shaking.  Within minutes we were pressed up against the glass, passionately making out on the dance floor.  I felt 19 again.

The bar was closing and I went to gather my jacket while he got us some water.  We went up the street and he excused himself to go get his coat.  I stood with my friends, swaying back and forth, “Should I go home with him?” I asked them, “I really want to!”
“Do it!” Andi insisted, “He’s fucking hot.”
When he re-emerged we climbed into a cab.  No words needed to be spoken, we both knew it was going down.  In the cab, I asked as an afterthought: “Hey, what’s your name?”


There was no one home at his townhouse and the two us retired to his room and began to go at it.  He stripped down to reveal a chiseled body, covered in tattoos and the hugest dick I’d ever seen.  I was in heaven.  This is going to be AWESOME!  Oh how wrong I was.

The sex was… too rough… and too short.  5 minutes into it he stopped suddenly and stood up.
“The condom broke,” he informed me.
“So?  Put another one on and let’s keep going.”
“No, I’m done.  I’m not going to be ready again for a looooonnnggg time.”
“Wait, what?  It broke?  And your done?” My head was swimming.
“Don’t worry about it, there’s something we can get for you in the morning…”
I wasn’t concerned about that (I always have a back up form of birth control, thank you IUD!) I was more upset about the possibility of having anything less than a clean bill of health.  I pride myself on being very safe and careful and now all of that was destroyed.  While I lay there lost in my own thoughts, there were several knocks on the door.
To my shock and horror, he called out: “Come in!”
The door swung open and I dove under the duvet in shame.
His friends chatted with him at the door and then one asked, “Is there someone in your bed?”
I stuck my head out shyly.  “Hi,” I said timidly as they awkwardly introduced themselves.  They left and closed the door behind them.
“Do you want some chips and juice?” he asked excitedly, “I’ll get us some.  I have Dorrito’s Cool Ranch, Dorrito’s Spicy, Dorrito’s Original.”
“Anything besides Dorritos?”
“I have Miss Vickies!”
“Perfect.”
He disappeared in search of the chips while I tried to sort out this random turn of events.
He reappeared, chips in hand and started setting up Netflix.  There was a knock on the door again and a girl entered and informed him, “I’m going to pick up some stuff.  Do you want in?  Give me money.  Also, I need to borrow your scooter.”
Suddenly it made so much sense.  This guy wasn’t drunk.  He and his friends were ridiculously high on coke.  And about to do more, at 3 am.
“Shit, I forgot the juice, I’ll be right back!” he exclaimed excitedly and ran out.
This is all too much to deal with.  I didn’t sign up for chips and a movie, I signed up for spontaneous, random sex.  I’ve got to get out of here.
I started gathering all my stuff and getting my clothes on.  When he returned he seemed genuinely disappointed.
“You’re leaving?”
I walked out past all his friends and said a hasty goodbye.  He walked me to the front door.  I can’t remember if I left without a word or I may have said, “Well, it’s been interesting,” but my exit was awkward and uncouth.  I walked towards the street, while crying on the phone to Kennedy.
“Every time I try to have a one night stand it is SO disappointing!” I whined.  I cabbed to her friends house and the 3 of us smoked copious amounts of weed and talked about our nights.  I declared that the next time I slept with a guy, he was going to have to really work for it.  I don’t need a relationship, but some sort of sentiment or anticipation would be nice.


 

Now here I sit.  En route to New Zealand on a journey to find myself.  I have no solid plans, no expectations and have no idea what the future holds for me.  But I’m just going to go with the flow, say ‘Yes’ to every opportunity and hope for the best.

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Hallow-why?

All I wanted for Halloween this year was to dance it up with my bestest of friends, but the night quickly went awry.

It started off fine: I had settled on dressing up as a lion (despite my earlier hissy-fit when I declared that I hated my costume) I had backcombed my hair into a fierce mane and done my makeup to match.  I was dressed to impress and determined to make out with a hot guy.  We went to a couple house parties and all my friends decided to do mushrooms, I hastily agreed although I wasn’t entirely on board.
We started towards the main party: a massive rave featuring multiple DJs on a property down the street.  As we walked we all began to feel the effects on the mush, pausing often to stare up at the moon and stars.

When we arrived Jack, Kathy, Kennedy, myself and Jack’s friend Derrick all promised not to lose one another.  “We’re on mushrooms and half of us don’t have phones… we have to stick together,” we rationalized.  So naturally within 5 minutes we lost Kathy and Jack freaked out and left.  Kennedy, myself and Derrick (who, by the way, is an absolute babe) were left.
“We HAVE to stay together” we swore once again.  We were all standing together talking amongst a bunch of different people, all the people began to disperse and suddenly only Derrick and I remained.
“Where the Hell is Kennedy?” I wondered aloud.
We screamed her name over and over again; we walked over to nearby groups of people, but there was no sign of her.  We circled around the party, calling her name repeatedly but there was no sign of her or anyone else I recognize.  Derrick and I made our way onto the covered dance floor to try and seek shelter from the sudden onslaught of rain, but it seemed everyone else had the same idea.  The dance floor had turned into a mosh pit and I was on the verge of getting trampled before we made our escape.
The rain was falling in buckets and we were both absolutely soaked, standing there at a loss.
“I don’t know what to do!”
“Maybe she went back to check on Jack?” Derrick suggested, “She was saying she was worried about him.”
“Maybe… I don’t see her anywhere.”
I took one last look around the party and then the two of us started back in the hopes of locating her.


 

Back at the staff accom house, Jack was home, but he was alone.
“Shit!” I cried, feeling myself begin to panic “We have to go back!  She’s not here!”
“She’ll know to come here when she can’t find you, lets just wait here for her to come back,” they both stated.
“No!” I cried, “She’ll think I just left her, I have to go back and find her!”
As I headed to the door, Jack cried out: “Wait… we’ll go with you.”
I got my rain boots from my house, threw on a rain poncho and headed back to the party with determination in my stride.
Back at the party every person I saw informed me that Kennedy was freaking out looking for me.  Finally I spotted her and the two us began screaming and embracing one another.
“You guys are fucked,” my brother remarked as he walked away in confusion.
Now to retrieve Jack (who was still too messed up to even enter the party) and inform him that we had found Kennedy and were staying at the party a little longer.  As we approached the entrance gates Kennedy skipped up and yelled “BOO” to some guy sitting under the gate tent.  He looked startled and then his eyes moved over to me.  He stood up immediately and rushed towards me to embrace me in a warm, genuine hug: Dan.
He looked… incredible.  He was wearing wired rimmed glasses, a plaid dress shirt and grey slacks with suspenders.  I’d never seen him in anything but a t-shirt and jeans, he looked taller and broader than usual and he did not have a DROP of rain on him.  Seriously?  Meanwhile, I looked like a drowned rat: my makeup was all down my face and my hair was puffy and yet somehow stringy.  We bantered back and forth about what our costumes were “supposed” to be, but I quickly excused myself as being terribly high and ran away.
My friends and I danced a while, Derrick and I were all over each other on the dance floor while staring up at the flashing lights and laughing hysterically.  Things started to get weird and I insisted we leave.  Back at Jack’s we sat around getting stoned and trying to chill out.  Derrick and I cuddled.  One of the guys from upstairs came down with a trashy looking female companion.  The two of them disrupted our peaceful vibe and declared that we should light off the two remaining fireworks.
Sure, we all agreed, one last shebang and then off to bed.
We went outside and he lit the first one and waved it around as it shot golden sparks into the air.  His trashy friend began doing a sexy firework dance beneath the falling flames.
Is this real life?
Trashy girl got distracted by some passing guys and started riding one’s long board down the hill… on her stomach.
“Okay, lets light off this last one,” he declared.  We stood in the driveway, waiting in anticipation.  A light shot up in to the sky and then EXPLODED with the loudest fucking bang.  The firework expanded across the entire nights sky, it was the hugest firework I had ever seen that wasn’t part of a professional display.  We all screamed and I ducked behind a car, shaking.  I felt like the power of the firework had shifted the stars.  With that we all said goodnight, I tried to discreetly invite Derrick to sleep in my bed, but my awkwardness got in my way so he retired to Jack’s van alone while Kennedy and I walked to my house together, pausing to stare up at glowing night sky.
Once warm and safe in my bed we began to relay the nights events.
“I can’t believe I saw Dan! I looked so shitty and he looked so great!” I bemoaned.
“That guy… he’s bad news for you.”
She had summed it up perfectly, there was no denying he was bad news.
We fell into a restless sleep.


 

The next day my hair was a disaster and I didn’t get myself close to enough time to comb it out and therefore had to rush to work with a haphazard, tangled mess of a bun.
I returned home, exhausted and sat down in Kathy’s room where we began trading stories from our Halloweens and wondering how we never saw each other once.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, smiling mischievously, “I saw Dan on the dance floor, he was talking about you… He said he doesn’t know what to do because he wants to be your friend and make amends with you and be on good terms before you go, but he feels like you hate him… And, I’m sorry, but I told him you felt the same way and that you wanted to talk to him and you were at the party…”
“Kathy!”
“I’m sorry!  But he seemed genuine and I think he was looking for you all night.”
For a second, my heart melted, because lately I had been thinking of reconnecting with him before I left.  I had been reminiscing about the fun times we’d had together and I realized that I was glad he had come into my life, despite everything else.
Kathy urged me to text him and I began to consider it.
Wait, no!  I chided myself, If he really wants to talk to me, he could just call or text me, or just talk to me… I live down the street for God’s sake!  And another thing… He knows that anything he says to Kathy will be relayed to me.  If I text him he doesn’t actually have to apologize or put in any effort and he gets an opportunity to try and hook up with me before I leave town.  What. The. Fuck.  No!!!!!

The night he left without even a goodbye was the moment I realized he was a selfish twat and decided I was done with him; we had not spoken since.  I had tried to be his friend before that night, I thought I could do it, but I realized I was just torturing myself.  I thought back to the pain I felt that first night in September and my heart solidified again.
I decided I to focus instead on getting organized for my trip… and possibly seducing Derrick while I still had the chance.


The next day I tried in vain to brush out my now dreaded hair.  I used a bottle of olive oil, an entire bottle of conditioner, a bottle of detangler spray, 4 hours of elbow grease and nearly broke my brush but it was no use.  I began to panic at the very real chance that I may have to cut out my hair… on the top of my head… close to my scalp.
I took a deep breath, my eyes welled up as I began cutting through the strands.

Kennedy showed up and tried to convince me to attend the lodge staff party, a poker night, to get stoned and eat all of the free food.  I put on a hat and agreed as I really needed a drink to console me.
It was Derrick’s last night night in town so I built up some liquid courage and stopped by Jack’s house.  I stayed up late watching a dumb movie and trying to flirt with Derrick.  I didn’t know how to go about asking him to spend the night with me so I kept making physical contact and commenting on how tired I felt.  We both headed off to bed and he tried to door of the van, “It’s locked… I guess I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.”
Now’s my opportunity!
I mustered up all of my courage.
“You could sleep at my house,” I suggested sheepishly. “I have a big comfy bed.”
“Uhhmmmm… yeah… sure,” he finally agreed after a long hesitation.
Oh my god, what have I said?  That was way too forward, he’s definitely not into it!
“Never mind,” I quickly responded, “That would be weird…”
“Okay, well have fun in New Zealand,” he said while giving me a fast hug and turning towards the house.  “I’m sure we’ll meet again someday.”
Damn!
I walked home sadly, cursing myself and him for being far too awkward.
I think I may need to work on my flirting skills.