Reading the Signs

Life is a test. A challenge. A race.
I have attempted to ignore what the Universe is trying to tell me, but it refuses to stand down.
Sometimes I convince myself that I’m satisfied with my current situation.
I try to tell myself that if I stay perfectly still where I am – curled up in a corner, eyes shut tightly – things around me will changed on their own.
Life is full of ups and downs and happiness ebbs and flows like waves breaking on a shore.  Yet sometimes so many roadblocks appear on one journey, you can’t help but wonder: Is the Universe trying to tell me something and steer me away from the path I’m on? Or is it all the more reason to fight harder, be stronger and carry on?
I guess the answer lies within, in the form of yet another question:
How badly do you want it?

Often the challenges I face are moral in nature, they say:
This is what you claim to stand for, now is your chance to prove it. Will you step onto your soapbox, stand up for what you believe in and defend those without a voice? Or will you slink away, because it’s easier and more convenient?
It’s easy to feel helpless.
Recently I found myself in a shitty situation where I was witness to some unsavoury behaviour from our landlord. He acted in an inappropriate way towards one of my flatmates and I fell into the uncomfortable position of having to relay the information to my unknowing friend. He was surprised, hurt, shocked. A day later he had sat on the information and his anger had only grown. He was upset and wanted to speak up and out, but didn’t know what to say and I mirrored his frustrations.
If we confronted our landlord, would he kick us out, or begin treating us with hostility?
When you live in a tourist town where everyone is struggling to find work or accommodation, you consider yourself one of the lucky ones when those things materialize for you. In fact, you feel so grateful, that you’re afraid to rock the boat for fear of losing everything.

An asshole boss at a job you desperately need.
An inappropriate landlord in a house you were barely able to find.
These people are in a place of power above you.
There are even more above them and a select few that reign over our whole society.
The thought of fighting to the top is exhausting, especially when it’s obviously easier to walk away.
People can be cruel and there are a lot of the people I’ve met here that I would rather forget. The locals are unfriendly and proud, the natives are aggressive and intense, the tourists are just looking to party.

It seems as if every day I find myself in another shitty situation that tempts me to run away with my tail between my legs, but the competitive side of me refuses to stand down: at least not until I’ve made a complete life for myself here.  Once I’m nice and comfortable, that’s the perfect time to move on and start again.
Maybe the reason I am picking up on these perceived signs is because of the doubts within myself. I’m not totally psyched on my life right now, so I look for signs in my environment that might tell me if I am making the wrong decision.
I’ve reached out for spiritual guidance, as I always do in times of uncertainty.
The last few times I’ve read my tarot cards or my horoscope, the same themes continue to appear: Strength, travel, personal growth, but above all: Career.
Everywhere I go, everything I see screams: WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE?!
I like having a life void of responsibility and full of fun, but I feel unsatisfied. I want to feel that I am doing something meaningful with my life, but I’m scared to take that next step and become a “responsible adult.” At the beginning of the year, I set a goal for myself: Teach in another country. I’ve taken strides towards that goal, but now that I’m close I’ve begun cowering away.
A life with a purpose, with a schedule.
Being responsible for a person’s education.
Standing in front of a classroom.
Terrifying.
Yet, maybe exactly what I need. I can’t run forever, I can’t ignore the signs from within.

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